I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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