i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
