wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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