my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
