I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
