I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
