whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
