Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
