i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
