i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
