Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
