i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
