Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
