in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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