We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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