don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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