i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
