So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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