This dress was meant to end up on your floor
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
