Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
