Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
