do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
