Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
