Swine flu. Run for my life!
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
