i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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