yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
