After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
