eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
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Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
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I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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