Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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