24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
