my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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