I think my vagina is haunted
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
