i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
