you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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