Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
