Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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