I look better un-naked...
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
