Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
