Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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