I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Randomize