New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize