Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
