You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
