Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
