I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
