I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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