What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
