Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
