what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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