I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Randomize
