the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
