K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
