So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
