i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
