I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry š¬
Having Fatherās Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. āHey dad just calling to say I love you.ā While Iām navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Fatherās Day.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
