Please, let me fuck your mom
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
