Banned from zoo.
Again?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
