if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
