Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Randomize
