those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
