I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
