oh god the rape fog is back!
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
