these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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