Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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