You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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