im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
