I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
