don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
