Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
