1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
