Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
