I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Randomize