I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
