she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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