I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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