girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
There are leaves in my underwear?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
