I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
