We won't sleep together?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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