Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Dignity is for republicans.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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