There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
